Haiti Tears

Although my trip was shortened, God was no less able to take the time I was there and make something of it. I went with the mission of our adoption at hand, but I have so many bits and pieces of Haiti experiences, some adoption related and some not, that I want to share.
I’m most certain I will not be able to prevent the taps of my fingers on the keys that will spell out my heart.
I have a few verses that actually explain this very well. Combine Matthew 6:21, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also,” and Luke 6:45, “For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”
My treasure is double and it lies in Haiti. Two beautiful 3 month old girls…our girls. They have captured our hearts. Add the other verse and you can see why from my mouth you hear what you hear. Basically that is the essence of my blog…my big mouth overflowing the treasures in my heart.
There you have it. Throw in my transparency and you get what you get…both the good and the bad. If you are reading this and not a fan of the Haiti side of our journey you may opt to follow a different blog. I have a heart ready to overflow many things Haiti.
Everyone else…get comfortable and read on…May God receive much glory as I proclaim His greatness and praise Him for all things!
April, 2010 was my first Haiti trip. Two months later I find myself landing in Haiti again. Even though I had only been there once, it was funny how as soon as I landed in Haiti I felt like I had been there many more times. I didn't experience the initial shock. It was just like, “Here I am in Haiti again. Let’s go.”
It might be helpful if I would stay in order of the events that happened in Haiti, but I want to jump straight to the twins. I will go back and fill in my other experiences over the next several days.

On June 11, 2010, Pastor Nahum picked me up from the airport along with a few other people I was traveling with. We dropped off our things at Heartline and then headed out to see my babies for the first time.

Tears. Haiti holds many tears of mine. Tears of great joy and tears of great sadness. God knows of each one. Psalm 56:8 “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
My first tears were full of joy. It was not my intention but the girls both ended up with a sprinkling of my tears that absorbed into their soft baby skin. Soft joy filled tears fell as I gazed into the eyes of Raphaella. One by one they dropped on her arms and legs.

Then it was Wanna’s turn. In the same way without control the tears landed on her skin.

When I received the pictures of my girls before meeting them it was much like having a sonogram. You could see what they looked like but it just doesn’t compare to physically observing each and every distinguishing thing about them as they lay in your arms after delivery.
In the same way I delivered my three babies and set my eyes on them for the very first time, this was my ‘delivery day’ for the twins.

Because of a change of plans, I would only have 5 hours with the babies. How can I possibly walk away after only five hours with them? It’s as if I just delivered my babies and then left them at the hospital. It’s not natural. It’s not right.
I made the very best of those 5 hours. We had great fellowship with Pastor Nahum and his family who has so graciously taken in my twins to care for them.

I gave the twin's father a letter with pictures of our family and had some time to just talk and assure him of our intentions to forever love his little girls as our own.

He is a reflection of sacrificial love and our baby girls will always know who their biological father is.

I fed the girls bottles and changed their diapers.

Thank you my Lord!
Now, I was prepared for the emotional tension that goes along with having your child in your arms only to be forced to walk away. In April, this is what I faced with Gaelle. But, something was different about this time. With Gaelle, I had already seen the closed door for adopting her. Days before leaving when I met her parents, they shared their intentions were for Gaelle to not be adopted out of Haiti. So, even though I was in denial, somewhere I knew she was not mine in the sense that she would live and laugh and grow up in our home with Kail, Tommy, and Hyatt as her siblings.  More tears shed as I was not able to see Gaelle this trip and could only pass along a care package with a friend who would be seeing her.  May the Lord wrap His love around Gaelle and fill her heart with His joy.  Hopefully I will get some pictures of her soon.


With Raphaella and Wanna, it was very different and I found myself much more desperate. My own strength would not cut it. I had to walk away knowing they are our children. I needed the strength only the Lord could provide me to walk away and not crumble. In fact every day until the day we have them in our home is an opportunity for us to either lose faith or to cry out to the Lord for His strength that we may persevere as we wait on His timing. Thank you, Jesus. We need you!
It was painful. The tears fell and they fell uncontrollably. These were the tears of great sadness I mentioned earlier. But, the Lord sustained me and He sustains me today. I can’t say without doubt that the twins will one day be home with us. I don’t know that. Jesus may take all of His children home before I finish writing this blog. But I can say without any uncertainty whatsoever that God’s ways and His plans are GOOD and regardless if our small minds can comprehend them all, I will praise Him! What we know to do is to continue in obedience to the call placed in our family for adoption...the very path that has led us to two beautiful Haitian twins who until God himself, closes doors, we will press on trusting His plans will prevail.
So we live each day covering our little girls in prayer. Thankful for the hours I had to pray over them and hopeful for the life we will have with them…a life to serve God and teach all of our children the joy that comes when we die to ourselves and become alive in Christ.
“Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” Romans 8:24-25