Today I am writing to give an update about our home loan refinance. This loan has all come about in effort to provide funds for our adoption of the twins in Haiti.
Believe it or not, we are still waiting. We are down to the last few hours and should know anytime now whether the approval will be granted. This has no doubt been a very exhausting and stressful process. I know I have failed many times in handling the uncertainties of the waiting period. I so desperately want to serve God with an unwavering faith but then I find myself in the midst of a circumstance and my feelings and emotions of anxiety creep in and I start throwing out the ‘what if’ questions that snowball into the most ridiculous hypothetical situations. Before I know it, in my mind I am traveling across bridges that I have not yet had to cross. After praying and reading my Bible, I have come to write this blog to keep my mind off of these ‘what if’ scenarios. So far it seems writing about it is not the cure to get my mind off of it. Let me tell you some of what my last few days have looked like. The good. The bad. And the downright ugly.
Believe it or not, we are still waiting. We are down to the last few hours and should know anytime now whether the approval will be granted. This has no doubt been a very exhausting and stressful process. I know I have failed many times in handling the uncertainties of the waiting period. I so desperately want to serve God with an unwavering faith but then I find myself in the midst of a circumstance and my feelings and emotions of anxiety creep in and I start throwing out the ‘what if’ questions that snowball into the most ridiculous hypothetical situations. Before I know it, in my mind I am traveling across bridges that I have not yet had to cross. After praying and reading my Bible, I have come to write this blog to keep my mind off of these ‘what if’ scenarios. So far it seems writing about it is not the cure to get my mind off of it. Let me tell you some of what my last few days have looked like. The good. The bad. And the downright ugly.
I’ve put on my ‘closing clothes’ for three straight days now. Closing clothes are clothes I planned on wearing to close our loan…you know, sign the documents to complete the loan. I usually would get up and put on some casual workout clothes (yes, I have started working out again…I count doing the elliptical for 20 minutes two days last week as consistent) but with the hopes of having our loan guy call and tell us we would be closing, I have reached for my dressy casual clothes instead...my 'closing clothes.' This has left me at the end of each of the last few days when the closing did not happen, sitting in my closing clothes all sad and pitiful. My husband has been the BEST support for me during these sad and pitiful moments. His encouragement that it will all work out and his reinforcing claims that God is in control have proved to be my crutch to prevent myself from going insane as one hurdle after another is placed in our paths.
I praise God for my husband and how He uses him to build me up spiritually. I also praise God for my precious friends in our family of Jesus that have offered encouragement through this. These are the people that have represented God’s love to me through their compassion and grace. Here I am faltering in my faith…there is no tricking those who know me best…they see me in all of my unattractiveness and yet they reach out to encourage me. Thank you Jesus for giving these people the grace to offer me that I have needed over these last few days. Thank you Jesus for your forgiveness.
Today I am in dressed in my closing clothes once again. Doesn’t that count for at least faith as small as a mustard seed? At this point, I’m running out of closing clothes and about to have to do some laundry! Lord, may your will be done. I love you Jesus!
1 comment:
Keep the faith Rochelle! It is within you!
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