JUST AS YOU ARE? part 2

Let’s see…where were we?  Oh yes.  I think I was faithlessly hanging onto to some sharp rocks on the side of a cliff.  (It's not very pretty but if you missed part 1 and want to see it, click here) Let me continue…

We had gone to Haiti to sign the paper work in order to submit our dossier to IBESR to request the approval for Haiti to allow us to adopt Raphaella and Wana.   

Trey and I are at the end of the table pretending to understand the 20 pounds of papers covering the table in front of us.  Of course if you look closely you can see it is the orphanage staff doing all the work. 

What I just stated was all very technical and you might be asking…ok?  Now what exactly did you do in March?  Let me put it in the way I actually understand it.  We went to Haiti to give all of our paperwork to IBESR which I never have really known who or what IBESR is.  But, from everything I had ever been told, my conclusion is this:  IBESR is made up of a board of really mean and corrupt people whose heart’s desires are to keep the children of Haiti in oppression.  You have to hand your dossier over to these heartless people and beg them for their permission to let you bring your children home as they throw rocks and spit on you.  IBESR is like a “black hole” and if you want to adopt from Haiti you can’t avoid it.  You know once you enter IBESR it’s likely you will never escape but you have no alternative.  So back on March 10, 2011 Trey and I had no choice but to sign off and drop our dossier into the “black hole” and wonder if we would ever make it out.  One moth passed.  Two months passed.  Three months passed.  Four months passed.  Five months passed. 

At this point I’m thinking who are these insane people who attempt international adoption and how did I become one of them? 

I just knew our paper work was lost deep down in the dark evil hole of no return.  It was at this point on our hike up the mountain when I looked down, saw I was in a scary place, lost nearly every ounce of faith in me, and went into coping mode.  I personally built that wall around my heart I told you about to help ease the pain and to prepare myself to move on.  This heart-wall made me feel like I was no longer the character living this story.  My cravings to bring our babies home were getting buried.  I’m pretty sure a proper psychologist would have said I was in denial.  But you can only resist your own life story for so long. 

This next particular part of our hike up the mountain is divinely mysterious to me.  We definitely were no longer making upward progress, but when we should have fallen to the very bottom to never again recover; somehow we were being supported in the same exact place on our journey.   I had lost faith and had just about decided to quit, and there was God in all His unfailing love…Supporting me… Hiding me and my brokenness under the shadow of His protective wing.  He didn’t allow me to slip back down the mountain…not even one little inch.  Psalm 94:18 has become a regular testimony of my life… When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your love, O LORD, supported me.     

Ok.  Now  you are caught up to where we were two days ago.

Two days ago:  Friday, August 19, 2011

It was my birthday and we were all in Houston at my sister’s house visiting my family.  And, thanks to facebook reminding everyone of when everyone else has a birthday, my phone was particularly active on this day.  With each chime of my facebook notification sound, a new birthday wish was posted to my wall.  Thank you facebook friends.  I was feeling the love:)  

But the chime that sounded from my phone around 2 in the afternoon was not a facebook birthday wish.  I had an email from our adoption agency.  I remember thinking the orphanage must be sending me the monthly update of our babies on my birthday as a special gift to me. 

I opened the email.  I was wrong.  It was not the orphanage’s effort to wish me happy birthday with a surprise monthly update.

This email was a supernatural gift from my heavenly Daddy.  It came wrapped in mercy and grace with perfect love tied into a beautiful bow on top.  It was a holy moment.  My Daddy had just stepped down from His heavenly throne, met me just as I was, and handed me a birthday present. 

God watched me unwrapped His precious gift to me.  As I read the words in the email, each one penetrated my heart breaking down the wall I had built up over the last several months. 

 “Great news for the McKinley family:  Your adoption of Raphaella and Wana has just been approved by IBESR.  We are so happy you have reached this important milestone in the Haitian adoption process.”

My jaw dropped, my eyes grew wide and bright.  My whole face lit up with joy and I ran hard into His arms. “I’m so sorry for losing faith.  I don’t deserve this gift.  Thank you Daddy!  Thank you so much!  I LOVE YOU!” 

Only God could have done this.  All of my love, hunger, and cravings for Raphaella and Wana rose up from the deep place I had these emotions buried for the last several months.  Instantly my faith was restored and I remembered where we were on the mountain.  I remembered my Raphaella and Wana are depending on us to be God’s hands and feet so that one day soon they will not have to live as orphans. 

It’s not a coincidence that God touched me in my brokenness with His most tender love by unexpectedly ordaining our dossier to be approved by IBESR on my birthday.  This whole thing is like walking in a miracle.  Why not two weeks before my birthday?  Why not two weeks after my birthday?  Why not the day before or day after my birthday?  God’s ways are holy and awesome.  He is faithful to defend the needy, poor, and orphaned.  With a mighty hand and outstretched arm, God has pulled us up out of the ugly black hole Haiti refers to as IBESR.  Can you hear my heart pounding with joy through your screen?  Praise God!! 

Just as we are…undeserving, broken, and still very much incompetent, we take off once again in a hard sprint up the mountain.  We are coming for you Raphaella and Wana.  Hang on baby girls.  You are almost home.  We will not leave you as orphans.  God has chosen to place you in our family and you will be a McKinley soon.