Tracking the Storm

He’s my 8 year old baby boy so when the doctor said he saw some abnormalities on his EKG test results everything in my beautiful world became an instant blur.  In that very moment I was reminded I really don’t have any control.  Trey and I gazed perplexed into the ER doctor’s face as I managed to fumble out the words asking what all of this means for our little Tommy.  The doctor said he didn’t want to scare us with any details before having a pediatric cardiologist perform a second EKG to determine if the abnormalities he had seen are accurate.  Nothing about that answer was comforting.  He passed me some papers on a clipboard and asked for my signature in two different places and then we went home to wait for 8 days before the pediatric cardiologist could get us in for the follow-up EKG.    

It’s not true.  

That has been my prayer during these last 8 long days.  It’s not true.  Before an invisible God, I have trembled and cried and asked God to make the things the doctor saw on Tommy’s EKG NOT TRUE.

I believe God is faithful yet when the eye of a new storm forms threatening to make a direct hit in my life; there I am in all of my flesh begging God to change the temperature, pleading for Him to turn the storm.  For 8 days now I’ve been tracking a storm too intense for me to withstand, begging God to either quiet the storm or show me an evacuation route. 

I've prayed these kinds of desperate prayers before in different circumstances.  Sometimes He calmed the storm and other times He allowed it to pass right over me.  But I take comfort in remembering either way HE NEVER LEFT ME ALONE.  I don’t know what God has planned in all of this with Tommy but I do know He hears us praying.  We are overwhelmed by so many of you who have shared your words of encouragement and offered up sacrificial prayers on our behalf.  I can feel His love holding me through your prayers.  I wish I could find the words to express how grateful I am to each one of you for this. 

Tommy will have his EKG tomorrow at 1:30 and we should finally get answers.

When my world is painted with healthy children running free and eating chocolate chip cookies it's easy for my heart to say all glory to God.  But what if God's ultimate glory will mean my world is marked with pain and brokenness?

“Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”  Romans 8:17

I’m writing tonight, before I have any answers, to proclaim God’s goodness and faithfulness no matter which path this storm takes.  I want to thank Him for His unending love and for His sovereign plans to work all things together for my good and His glory.   I want to thank Him for knitting the inmost parts of Tommy perfectly together in my womb and loving him more than I could ever possibly love him.  

God, my soul loves Your presence...thank You for never leaving me alone.  I desire Your glory.  Amen. 

Thank you all for praying.  I will let you know what we find out tomorrow.  God's love, grace, and peace be with you!!