Pray & Prepare

It’s altogether terrifying.   

You know...believing in something you can’t see.    

We went to sign a bunch of papers in March.  People who knew what they were doing held our hands, told us what to expect at the US Embassy, and pointed to a bunch of lines showing us where to sign. 

this moment is best described as organized chaos

After signing lots of stuff, we went before the judge and  signed another thing called the I-600, then at some point during all of this our dossier entered IBESR…all of that’s supposedly important in influencing the Haitian government to release our babies to us.

God embedded a small seed of faith in our hearts and it’s proven to be enough.  It’s been enough to make us shut our ears to the laughing voices shouting “IMPOSSIBLE!!”  It’s been enough to make us close our eyes and jump through flaming hoops.

So far, so good. 

This weekend, my dad graciously came up and built a wall to create an additional room in our home for our twins and as a bonus a fun loft for our boys in their room too.  It was all quite exciting to see the construction over these last three days. 

But then dad left. 

And, that’s when the literal remodeling of our home figuratively representing a room for our twins gave me frightening chills.  

I have a room in my home designated specifically for the twin baby girls now.  We don’t know when they will get to come home… we are dealing with pure evil planted within Haiti’s corrupt government…we are struggling with my incompetence…we don’t even know for sure if the twins ever will come home. 

Did you hear that I have a room in my house for the twins?  I don’t know if any of this will make sense, but the new room in my home intensifies my desperation for our babies to be home while screaming the impossibility of it all at the same time.  I feel like a beginner who was just thrown into a professional level faith game.   

I could use a few cheerleaders…tell me to shake it off and get back in the game. 

Really though...at this point, I’m not sure that would be enough. 

Are subs allowed in the faith game?  Can I get a qualified professional sub for a quarter or two…let me catch my breath.  Rehydrate.    

Faith stretching is not comfortable…it sort of hurts in the heart area.   

Nothing in me is capable of this journey.  Nothing!  Things like a new wall in my home causes doubt to creep in and I ask questions people with super strong faith never ask.  I say, “Really, God?  I’m too selfish and unorganized for this calling.  Do You really want to use a messed up and broken soul who prefers to cling to what satisfies her flesh?  God, if you want, I can shop around for you… I happen to know some pretty awesome Christian people who have their lives put together way better than me.  Their faith looks really big and I’m sure is more adequate to accomplish things like adopting orphaned twins.  I could talk to them for You.  They could take my spot and you could give me a smaller assignment.” 

But every time I get to this not so pretty wavering place, God’s grace comes rushing in to silence me with a holy whisper, “shhhh….I am God.  I chose you in all of your weaknesses to make My power revealed through you.  Apart from me you can do nothing…But with Me, daughter, nothing is impossible.”

I connected with Pastor Nahum when Raphaella and Wana were only 20 days old.  With the tiny seed of faith, from that very moment, we’ve been referring to Raphaella and Wana as our own.

Today, my little faith seed doesn’t seem strong enough for me to face the new look of my home.  It symbolizes the need for me to prepare Raphaella and Wana’s room...to prepare for the unseen. 

 I don’t really want a room with two empty beds meant to have two children sleeping in them.  I don’t want to hang clothes in their closet that I know will fit them today but not tomorrow.  I don’t want to walk by their empty prepared room every day.  

But when I think of the phrase, “prepared room,” I think of Jesus. 

The Spirit reminds me of Jesus’ words in John 14:2-3 and my faith rises.  Jesus says, “My Father’s house has many rooms…I’m going there to prepare a place for you…If I go to prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me.”

With every fiber of my being I believe the words my Jesus says. 

Adopting the twins is scary for me sometimes, but in light of what Jesus says, something divinely sweet washes over me when I imagine preparing a room for our twins.  God’s magnificent love unfolds before me as He continues to reveal how our earthly adoption journey is a picture of how He is fighting to bring His children home…to complete our adoptions.  I know my heavenly Daddy has a home with many rooms and I’m waiting as He prepares a place for me there.  As I wait, I am humbled and eternally grateful for the chance to care for the orphans and needy.

This season of my life is defined by two words that begin with the letter “P”: 

Pray...
and...
Prepare.

I pray and ask God to bring Raphaella and Wana home to us as I prepare their room.  Will this become a reality?  I think so.  But I don't know for sure...God knows. 

I also pray and ask God to hurry and prepare my room and the rooms of all of His children in our heavenly home.  I pray and ask Him to come back for me...to rescue me from this broken world.  Will this become a reality?  ABSOUTELY!  What I know with all certainty is that God is faithful and He has promised to not leave us as orphans.  He will come for His children! 

It's going to be worth it to believe in the unseen…it’s going to be so worth it.  Come Lord, Jesus.  I want to see Your face.