Seeking His Face~Psalm 27:8~: An Unbreakable Love

Shouldn’t I be dwelling on when our twins will come home? Shouldn’t I be beside myself with grief from the pain of our separation? I have these kinds of moments; trust me. But God keeps doing different things in my heart since we first started the adoption process. He has given me a village of forgotten souls…the exact village Raphaella and Wana were born…the exact village where their mother died when they were only 10 days old. You know this village of people too…it’s Pastor Nahum and his orphans and the many people of his church. God has woven their life stories of joy and suffering so tightly and deeply into my being that they have captivated every last heart sting in my beating heart.

In many ways, these people have directed my attention off my tendency to wallow in self-pity as the most horrifying spectacle of a whiny pouting adoptive mom in waiting. You see, this whole adoption thing has always been a matter of God sitting enthroned as the Potter with me, a pile of terribly broken pieces of clay, in His hands. I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve “figured” this whole thing out. Almost daily I invent a finished picture of what this will look like and attempt to convince myself its God’s plan too. Nothing wrong with a girl wanting to know how things are going to turn out, right?

So sorry for that lame self-justification.

Back to being real…my faith tank gets low sometimes…almost dried up on some days. I have to shake myself back to my senses and get uncomfortably honest to realize I no more have a clue about how this story will end today than I did when we first said yes.

There’s a spiritual force that causes me to keep going back to Haiti even when I can’t see my twins. I hear the Spirit calling me there. The faces of Pastor Nahum's orphans run effortlessly and continuously through my mind like a really sad movie that I have to believe will eventually end happily. I constantly carry the weight of their brokenness I’ve seen with my own eyes each time I’ve gone. And, I stay in a state of wonder and awe at the mystery of the unshakeable faith the people maintain in the midst of pain that is too great for my mind to comprehend.

I praise God for the most supportive husband who believes God’s word is enough. I don’t have to share some life altering dream or feel pressured into proving anything to him. Trey reads his Bible and because he believes what Jesus says, he continues to send me. In his own quiet way, he has a deep compassion and love for our Haiti family that is completely beautiful and blesses me beyond words.

What is all of this going to look like? I have no idea! The other day Trey and I had to go to the Fort Worth applications office to get re-fingerprinted for our adoption. Either USCIS believes our fingerprints change after 15 months or this is just more red tape we have to cut through as we press on in this adoption. Trey and I continue to pray God’s will to be done with our adoption and the village of people we love in Haiti.

The kind of love and passion I have for our twins and the people from their village is spiritual...it’s my choice to invest into God’s kingdom. What I want my girls to know and what I want the people in Gilbert, Haiti to know is that God seriously loves them! I want them to know it is God's Spirit that compels me to fight for them and nothing can prevent God's will from prevailing. Trying to keep us separated would be as foolish as trying to bottle the wind. When God weaves the souls of people together from different nations for His glory, the love shared is built on the foundation of Jesus and this kind of love is unbreakable and inseparable.

The twins posed for beach pictures for their July monthly update. Raphaella is walking now and Wana can walk if she holds on to furniture.

RAPHAELLA